Mother of a girl child ❤️

According to UNDP ,India ranks 131 in gender inequality index. This inequality between genders start much before their birth . From the time families, well wishers , relatives, colleagues, get to know that you are pregnant , they wish/predict a boy. Even strangers you bump into while walking , shopping or travelling during pregnancy, play gender prediction suggestions/advises/ games, totally ignorant of the fact and etiquette that you might not like it . They never shy away from stating “it will be a boy”. Not realizing that for a mother “wish you a healthy pregnancy ” is more important than gender predicting announcement.

That’s me in full pregnancy glow .

People also comment /compliment in India that “your girl looks like a boy and even behaves like one ” , thinking that it will please the mother . But trust me that is the most annoying and vacuous compliment one can give to a parent . Once, I had one such ironical encounter with a lady, who was travelling to Delhi via Kolkata and I was going to my mother’s place after attending convocation ceremony of my youngest sister in Bhubaneshwar via Kolkata .We were at Howrah Junction waiting for our respective trains . When she realized that I am travelling with a child , she started conversation with me . It went on like this :

She : how many years you been married ? (People ask me that all the time , as I am really petite and short and thank to my good genes look young 😊).

Me : this December it will be 6 years .

She : looking at you no one can say that you have been married that long .

Me : smiles (and thinking how to react to that )

She :how old is your baby .

Me : 18 month old .

She : my third trimester will start in few days, what all did you eat during your pregnancy, your boy is very active and healthy . I have been told that it’s a boy , so I need to take proper care of myself.

Me : (I am married to an armed forces officer where rules are rules and we follow them always come what may , that was why I was a bit surprised about gender sureity part ) I quizzed her about how she knows the gender of the fetus ?

She replied very proudly : my husband is a doctor,he used his contacts and pulled some strings , he works in **** , she named a very famous hospital of India located in Delhi .

She bragged about how her husband has done M.D from London , how caring and fussy about her, he is ,blah blah blah . She again asked me about my diet during pregnancy , so that she too can have a healthy child . After listening to all her crap I had lost my interest in her , so all I replied was , she is a girl child . She went on commenting “she looks like a boy , she is wearing jeans no , till the time you won’t tell anyone , no one would know the difference”. It was all too much for me , her audacity and her thoughts about girl child .I got up and went in search of a quite place to sit .

Love your baby unconditionally and not because of their gender .

In India ,boys are like assets for the family Ego . More boys in the family equals to more entitled for respect in society . Where as, girls are more like responsibility , some even treat them as a burden. Slowly but definitely this difference in treatment is changing but treating boys as an asset , definitely not.

Proud grandparents with their wild flower , we are three sisters , so people back home use to assure mummy that this time God will bless her with a GRANDSON 😆.

I have always wondered from where this disparity between the genders crept in . I have heard enough discussions about Government bashing , media bashing , brands and marketing gimmicks bashing ,but what about parenting . What about the parents , the very first pillar of strength for any child .What about them ,

• when they reprimand their male child saying “why are you crying like a girl !!! Boys don’t cry !!”
• When parents proudly announce that “we have raised HER like a son”.
• When they say to their daughters “learn to cook, behave nicely , don’t go out alone , else you will bring shame to the family” .
• And to boys they say “why do you need to learn cooking , your wife will cook delicacies for you “
• When boys are scared , parents tell them to “man up”.

We as women, are responsible too , for biased behavior towards us , for example

• eating after men have eaten .
• Glorifying unnecessary compromises and calling it love .
• Not speaking up for their own self respect and calling it respect for father , husband , brother , elders in the family , boss and blah blah blah .

Girls and boys both observe these kind of behavior since their early childhood and unconsciously learn these gender roles . And I have seen many so called educated couples , trying to reason with their kids in toy shops , saying “but baby that is kitchen set , boys don’t play with kitchen sets , take this or this or this”, (pointing towards car , truck , toy gun anything but Barbie , kitchen set or doll house) . Who decided in the first place, that a boy shouldn’t be allowed to play with dolls .

My mother is happiest lady on this planet ,her reason “I have daughters with whom i can gossip 😁❤️.

It’s said that when you educate a woman you educate the nation . But why educated lot behave like that , because our thought processes have been conditioned like this since the very beginning of our lives . That is what we have seen, men and women of the family behaving in a certain manner , playing their set roles . And not doing anything differently for the fear of what society will think , not understanding that society is nothing but people like us and their judgement dosen’t matter .

With her daddy who prayed for a girl since day one .

Now , that I am a mother of girl child , I promised myself that I will not follow the set gender behaviours as a mother and lady of the house. I will not decide with what toys she should play and shouldn’t play . I will not decide if she should be interested in Barbie and princess or Superman or Ironman . She will make her own choices and choose her own options , till the time it’s not harmful for her .

No one and absolutely no one matters in front of her .

As a parent , me and husband both share the same views .My darling husband suggested me to give her my family surname , he was about to write Pandey on hospital papers but, because he was so crazy about baby girl since the first day of gestation period that I allowed him to giver her his surname but first name was of my choice. In our country keeping the name of the child , too is not a mother’s right . After much calculation and preparation of kundali , the priest selects a few alphabets and after taking in consideration of elders and extended family members choices (specially in joint families, true story) NAAMKARAN (name keeping ) happens . Neither my husband nor me had time for all this , so we went ahead and named her whatever I had decided .

Her dad , wind beneath her wings .

We as parents feel entitled , that we have to take decisions on their behalf and that is outrightly wrong. They are not objects or assets ,they are future independent adults . It is our duty as parent to set prime examples and guide them towards a good and better future, and not teach or glorify centuries old set customs and biased behavior to them .

I am a proud mother of a girl child .