Boys !! they know …

Yesterday I went to meet a friend who has been blessed with a baby boy. My 2.7 years old daughter was accompanying me. I was worrying on the way, “is it ok, to take a toddler with me , what if she will start poking or chirping or laughing at top of her voice”, she does that all the time. Before ringing the door bell, I requested my unicorn to be good.

To my pleasant surprise, she did not do anything, leave alone poking, she didn’t even touch the newborn . And she was very very cautious. All she did was , touching the blanket and say “wow ,how nice and it is very soft mummy” (exact these words) .

And it delighted me to see that she observe things and try to process the cause and effect. The mother was changing the nappy , so my wee lass’s observation was “mummy baby needs pajama” and went in search of a suitable pajama ( 5 min later came holding 2 tiny size pajamas in her hands, asking me which one you want) .

The vibes were happy , and we were talking about how the equations are going to change now and life is going to be a roller coaster ride. Amidst all this someone commented “oh ! The baby is awake”, pat came mother’s reply that “of course, he knows that there are girls around”. Everyone laughed but I didn’t find this joke least bit laughable. A 12 days old bub and such sexist comment meant to be a joke. It got me thinking that where do we stand as parents.

Ain’t there something wrong with our thinking ,that instead of countering or ignoring , people actually laughed at it. Isn’t it like validating certain gender roles since day one. It made me uncomfortable. I have always found these kind of comparisons that

• boys should be assertive after all they have to face the world .
• girls should be docile , assertive girls are selfish , they don’t think beyond themselves :roll eyes:
• If the boy is being stubborn and trying to has his own ways ,then it’s encouraged as leadership skills
• But if the girls is doing the very same thing , she will be told , it’s parent’s fault that they haven’t inculcated good manners.
• Men can talk in loud voice but women should be soft spoken and not loud ,it is considered crass .
• Even in play parks if the boy is bullying ,the mothers will be like “boys will be boys”.

Babies don’t come in this world with full knowledge of knowing the gender roles. It’s parents , relatives , friends , who by cracking these silly jokes and voicing these kind of not at all acceptable “gender observations” which seems to be ok but in reality the very basis of gender roles and also other objectionable behavior. And the root cause of the whole attitude, that

• boys will be boys ,
• after all he is a boy ,
• aah !! he knows since day one ,
• hhahaah!! his priorities are set.

is taking pride in the fact that “he is a BOY”. That baby itself doesn’t know about his or her identity , why this need to impose this boys will be boys attitude.I have also come across observations like “you can’t do much yaar , they are just wired that way”. I dont believe so, if we will stop glorifying “after all he is a boy” , that loose wire will automatically come in it’s socket .

Let that baby be a baby, newborns behavior is same throughout the whole wide world , race, gender and universe . Why there is this urge to glorify that “he knows there are girls around” , what’s in there to be proud of or even laugh.

Just a 5 days old who knows if it’s a girl or a boy❤️ Let them be babies first. They have got their whole life to be a boy or a girl.

Talking to a toddler…

Those who have read my previous post , must be well aware of the fact that I am a mother of a toddler. Raising a child is no easy job, by default parenting comes with difficult responsibilities(seeing your child crying during cough cold is the worst pain for us parents, and that is the only 10% of the whole circus) but at the same time it’s fun and major learning curve for parents too.

My daughter at 8 month old.

Parenting is full of contradiction and at times, well most of the times specially when they start with “what is this”, exasperating (only and only my thoughts). But trust me, more than parents it’s toddlers life which is difficult and confusing too, because they struggle to come to term with ways of the world and try to comprehend and process all the information which their surroundings have to offer. Their vocabulary is not very extensive, pronunciation is not very clear, they use the words not by logic but rot memory and when us parents fail to understand their broken sentences, they feel really incapable and helpless, that’s when they cry and throw tantrums to make the parents understand their need or wants.

She loves to gaze through picture books and identify all the objects , animal etc.

As a parent, In India, I have noticed that most parents indulge in baby talk (nonsense blabbering with babies older then 6 month is so unintelligible and insulting to intellectual capacity) broken sentences and they don’t give reasons only commands or instructions(don’t do this , do that , listen to me). Which is so not good and hinders the language development and vocabulary growth (only observation not judgmental).

Lost in her own world at 15 month.

As a parent we tend to take our toddlers for granted and decide on our own that they can’t understand. We tend to forget that when God created our babies he/she gave them brains too and cognitive development is a default setting function in human babies which never stops, it’s a continuous process, and the more clear and concrete information we will provide our babies ,the better it will be for them to grasp the basic logic and reason. Indulging in baby talk is fine only till first 2-3 month after that small conversations with baby in clear words are so important, to form their language abilities and also cognitive exercise. Whatever they hear goes in their memory and later they use those memories to identify the person, toy, cartoon by tone, visual cue, sounds etc.

Her first ever books , bought them when she was around 3 month old .

As a mother either me or any of my family members , immediate or distant never ever indulged in baby talk , result is she speaks in clear tone , ask questions , convey her wishes or demands very nicely and also she loves conversations. When she was 3 months old I bought her, her very first 2 story books full of colorful, large and bright pictures, not because she was able to read or understand but, to read her loudly so that she can develop her concentration of hearing and identify various tone. And I think in her 2.6 years of life, reading in a loud clear tone and taking her on walks and on the way telling her the name of trees, flowers, dogs, greeting others and naming different objects have helped in building her language abilities.

Hahahaha, this cracks me up always !! she surely knows her books 😂😂

Many people say to each his own , but babies are like blank slate, as a parent it’s our duty to give them correct information(words) to process and utilize . It not only helps the child but also parents , as it makes the whole

• “what do you want”
• “Why are you crying
• “What happened”
• “Why are you being incoherent”
• “Don’t whine speak”
• “Don’t shout “
• “Why are you screaming”

routine so much smooth. We can always soften our tone while speaking but indulging in nonsense blabber with toddlers, is utter disrespect and disregard for their intelligence too. Of course, kids will be kids but by facilitating better language abilities we can open a wider horizon of interests for them.

Clicked last month, pretentious reading Wodehouse and throwing looks like a BOWSE ❤️

Grudge

Today I went to extend my support to a family , who was grieving the sudden demise of their mother. Other siblings reached to pay their respect, they all reacted in a certain manner but among them was one who kept repeating “she was with you”(combined with other accusations) , to that sibling with whom their mother was, in her last moment . And the applied meaning was “you did not care, she told me this and this but you did not take proper measures to ensure her health, now we will never get to see her again”.

This whole scenario got me thinking, what triggers such kinds of accusing behavior in such times of grief. Why grieving people start accusing either themselves or someone or something for inevitable. Does this give them some sort of closure or does it make them less guilty(for past mistakes) or more righteous.

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Buddha

Few weeks back I lost a childhood friend, she was suffering from cancer. She was angry with me for some reasons and years later, after sorting out our differences, we just drifted apart, like two very different person unable to meet on similar grounds.(People grow and their different set of experiences make them a different person as to what they were before). After her demise the common friend cried but I did not, does that makes my pain less !!! No , not at all , infact I was so bottled up , unable to let go of my emotions , thinking and wondering , why all that happened , whatever happened. How much pain she must have gone through during all the chemo sessions. She nursed that grudge against me for so long but then she left early much early and all she left for me (as that childhood friend with whom she had shared unaccountable lunch boxes and auto rides) is “ifs and buts”.

I keep thinking about her mother(she was the only daughter among 3 siblings) her daughter who is not even 5-6 year old.And I also keep thinking , what was the use of all the grudge, why so much of anger. For what !I mourn my friend but can’t talk about it because it’s futile to talk about whatever happened. We were all in our early 20’s , got angry with me for something which was totally not under my control, she was famous for her temper but a nice girl, vowed never to talk to me again in that anger.

Grudge decays everything .

What is important in any relationship emotions or practical reasons. Why we can not rise above our ego and understand each other instead of trying to be the righteous one. What drives us toward such kind of behavior. Agreed that humans are flawed but what’s the use of being educated but unable to control that rage and act rationally when the tough situation arises . Where lies the satisfaction in blame game and accusation. All it does is negatively affect the mental and emotional health of the person who is at receiving end.

My friend left never to come back and what hurts most is that she left with a grudge. And today I saw the similar thing, that a sibling accusing another one for something which is not under anyone’s control. Won’t this episode creat a rift between them. The grief of losing a parent and a sibling’s accusations, and for what.

Grudge, rots everything , it’s a slow poison which makes any relation die a slow death. It’s better to be the bigger person and give importance to the relationships. Ego , hurt , anger ,grudge everything can wait but the living person can not, and no one knows ,when the time will be up.

Love your people before it’s too late. Life is too short for any kind of grudge and blame won’t take you any where , it will only decay whatever is dear to you.

Golden Hearts…

MA , I miss you so much. Now that I am a mother myself, I understand you more.I see you smile but I understand those tears more . I see your anger but I understand that love more . I see your pain but I see that strength more .I am on my own now, but I keep taking (lessons, inspiration, even your sarees 😘😍) from you much, much more (even now).

Dad you are the light of our lives. You made the bonfire of your dreams and desires , needs and wants, so that your babies can be warm during the coldest of the nights. You never cared for the gender, showered us the love utmost tender. Comfort for yourself was never in your thoughts, you laboured hard to keep our dreams afloat.

The only God I believe in

Set 2 😄

I remember those times when you both would be tired, at your wits end, but trying your best to give us the best with the zeal that may never expire. God gave you daughters, society gave you smirks, you turned them into lessons of dignity. What did we ever do, to earn parents like you. Always virtuous, noble, and compassionate, we bask in this glory that we have you.

Now I am a mother, following the lessons inculcated by you, stumbling, learning but not giving up. God gave me daughter, you gave me noble traits, I am guiding her to be humble and search for greatness.

Lucky we are without any doubt, born to such Golden hearts to boast of and be proud.

La familia ❤️