Interviews !!

Being on the move every three years has it’s own consequences like, getting use to new house, new neighbours, new house help, new job etc. Now, that I mentioned job, it has it’s own processes and consequences. Being a teacher is one hard nut to crack, the general fact is it’s an easy job in terms of stress and time, but the hard truth is entirely different. No one absolutely no one agrees that teaching is stressful, until the people in discussion or conversation themselves are a teacher.

My career as a teacher started fairly recently, but it’s been full of it’s own learning curve. I never got even a second to enjoy on the job as a fresher. First day on the job I was checking exam copies and right after 10 days made results in the capacity of a class teacher. Thankfully there were less falls and more of straightening my own crown, colleagues were amazing and very warm, some of them were well… let’s not go there, so it never felt taxing, kids were altogether different story .

That was about first, now coming down to second one, as first one was contractual. Second job had criterias of written exam, interview, teaching demonstration, respectively for selection, very fair and practical. I was called for interview and after generic questions, I was asked “How will I teach Hindi to kids whose mother tongue is not Hindi” and second question was to recite a Hindi poem. My trouble started from there, and my crazy genes for humor took over my sanity. Instead of saying that “I am unable to recall”, I ended up reciting a rhyme which my youngest sister use to sing way back in late 90’s, when she was in LkG or Ukg . It was hilarious, after reaching home, mom called to enquire how did it go. I narrated the whole saga, she laughed heartily and said “whatever you recited was wrong and she recited it correctly for me over phone”. So, after a certain age for some reasons, whatever mom’s do is always cute and entertaining for us. I was marvelling over the fact that how naive she is and pure hearted, but mom being the boss that she is, before disconnecting said “this is the reson, I am always worried about you”, I came crashing down on Mother Earth. She is our most amazing hype buddy but that parting shot made me nervous that I have jeopardized my chance. She must have narrated the whole story to both my sisters, as they both called me and without uttering a single sound or word they laughed and laughed !!! Anyways minus that fiasco on my side, I was called for teaching demonstration and school decided to keep me as a Hindi teacher. My happiness was short lived, 3 days before summer vacation I got to know that husband has been transferred to another station and we will have to leave by July.

We landed in current station in July, after settling down. Job hunt started, opportunity arrived and was called for interview. It was 2.30 p.m but me being me, very smartly wished “Good morning “, and as if that wasn’t cringe worthy enough, exclaimed “oh !! But its afternoon “, so much for being graceful, poised and not feeling the pressure. At last, when the feeling strated creeping in that soon this oral ordeal will be over, bouncer was thrown at me “You are yet to start your job, but you send your child to day care”, my comman sense was like “my child my decision” but, Of course !! I couldn’t have said that, right ? And going by my first account you all can’t even imagine what did I do, in a very Sadguru like imitation (not voice imitation, agreed that I goof up but I ain’t full blown crazy) replied “Happiness is the essence of life, my child is happy there and I also get time to do my own thing, happiness is important to live this life” the look, that respected lady had on her face made me realise quickly that my brain and tongue have done something funny, within nano seconds of blurting this, my comman senses took over and added “she has her own classes there and kids learn better with other kids”. Thankfully, was called for demonstration.

So, after two crazy interviews, I have concluded that interviewers are bored people, they enjoy creating stressful situations and later laugh at our expense. Jokes apart, if you are a fresher, soon to face interview or anything, then don’t worry, it’s a very subjective situation, in such scenarios, there is nothing called “wrong answer”, it’s all about perspective, untill and unless questions are not from Maths and Science. And also be true to who you are, don’t illustrate about something which isn’t in your life experience or remotely comes under your capacity, being fair to yourself is more important instead of exaggerating and later losing, because believe it or not they can see right through you. See, they saw through me twice despite the craziness.

Last but not the least, if you are reading this don’t draw any inspiration from my experience. I am a teacher and we have this default setting of coming out as a champion from any mucky situation. That’s what we do, we fall but get up on our own to show our kids, mistakes are important to learn and not the feeling of shame.

Behind that poised facade, is a carefree princess, she takes over the whole persona in tough situations and straighten her own crown to walk like a queen. And that’s what teachers are beautiful reigning queens.

Roots.

Hello, yesterday something pleasent happened which made me write today , after a long gap of an year. As we all know that kids grow up, and mine is growing up too, has joined LKG. In her school, there is this small scrawny kitten.

No, no they don’t teach cats and dogs alphabets, still not that advanced, what I am guessing is, this little kitten is either searching for her mommy or trying to find her own corner to sit and feel Godlike compared to human kids.You all must be wondering where I am going with this blabbering, bear with me please. While most of the kids were scared of the kitten (either they ran away or admired it from afar) Miss A decided to go near and check out the poor little thing. She just can’t stay away from anything on four legs, petted the billi mausi, tickled, offered water from her bottle and the scared scrawny kitten became so comfortable that started following us ❤️♥️

You can see in the picture how that kitten has already decided for us, that who is going home. My daughter quipped “look!! she is so small and cute can we take her home please mumma” but I am not a cat person and already have a labrador baby (Spring).

I am all about 🐕, don’t feel comfortable around 🐈, but my daughter has no such reservation or biases. They all are equal and cute to her, in her heart and head. Whenever she spots any living thing, irrespective of walking, crawling, slithering, often chirps “look mumma so cute or cuddly or funny”. That’s the beauty of kids, they don’t look for beauty or similarity, for them diversity is the thing and keeps them interested . They just love to explore, it’s us parents we condition them, literally teach them knowingly-unknowingly to look for signs of danger before teaching them about love, tell them reasons why not to go near animals, be scared and stay away from marvellous beauties of nature. We get grumpy or frustrated when they play in dirt, touch animals, we look for cleaner spot even in parks, modelling a certain type of behavior for our kids, in process they learn only negatives of natural settings. We instruct, beg and at times threaten them to wash their hands, but we don’t teach them to keep the earth clean for other living beings. Their tiny minds and big hearts learns by conditioning that earth is dirty, soil is yukky, animals around us are dangerous. What we don’t teach them is “Us humans are crazy violent”, we destroy whatever is beautiful.

We keep ranting about “saving the planet”. If we are serious about our planet then we must teach our kids to care about other living beings, to love them, to accept them, and not to be scared of other living specise, then only we will be doing our part in teaching them to Respect Nature and save planet. To exist together in all it’s diversity can only save the planet, it is important to make space, give love and acceptance to other organisms of Earth.

My own loved playing in dirt from a very early stage without shoes and it never bothered me.

The first step towards going green and saving the planet is to bond with nature, to love, nurture and value whatever it has to offer and not demand a dime extra. For generation parents did it wrong and now we all are repenting and blaming it on third world countries for all the pollution. Nobody ever invested time and energy on grassroot level for alternative sustainable life because everybody wanted quick solution to all the problems and development at all cost.Every generation left some set of monstrous problems for future generations. Now, we are struggling, we don’t teach our kids about sustainable life and respect what is present because previous generation did not teach us about it. They were so busy chasing the mirage of development that in hindsight, they forgot about sustainability. There was no awareness about alternative choices and simple villagers who lived by it were laughed at, now we don’t know how to teach our kids about the alternative sustainable life and even our villages have changed over time. We are some where in between, our goals about sustainability is not clear. We don’t know from where, at what stage and how to teach our children about sustainable life. We care more about rash and fever and less about what our kids are learning, when they are amidst nature. We are more concerned about rote learning and memory, less about practical value of our surroundings, water and food which is the very basic chapter for sustainable life. We care about their hunger and provide endless option but what we don’t teach them is that earth is already under pressure for providing so much, we can’t take her for granted any more and must respect whatever is in our plate. We are not going back to the basic and eating produces available according to the season but consuming God knows how old packaged, full of hazardous oil and preservatives, frozen, ready to serve, quick to cook kind of “plastic packaged nutrition fortified food”. You won’t be any less of a good parent, if you won’t buy that fancy plastic wrapp candy and buy this .

Recent generation of parents have been fed this information by all corners and involved profit making parties that if your child is not eating so much and so regularly then he/she might not grow to it’s full potential, the brain might not develop. As parents, we are so paranoid that we don’t take genes in account for growth and IQ, instead we rely on, market brand value of foods, we keep options available at all times so that kids must eat without even experiencing a second of hunger.But have we ever given this whole charade any serious thought? By putting so much of unnecessary effort are we even letting our kids experienc the feeling of hunger , the value of food and empathy towards those who don’t have the luxury to have even a singe meal in a day . Are we not teaching our kids to hoard so much that they never lack anything and become selfish? Are we not putting our effort in more packaged ready made food and munchies and plastic packed fortified meals insted of teaching them for healthy options ? Are we not opting for easy options ? Are we not equal participants of exploiting our available resources and teaching the younger ones same ? Is it ok to shift all the blame on present factors and overlook all dormant factors? Do we utilize our kitchen waste? Do we put the same say no to plastic thoughts when we organise weddings full of pomp and show ? Do we introspect when we take out the car from garage instead of walking, taking auto, bus for that minor errand? Do we think of workers when we wear denims and denim dying hazards? Do we think about that undeprevilleged child when we keep the leftover in fridge to rot for weeks? We are doing many things wrong but we are quick to shift the blame on others .

Learning from her Nana ji.

All these actions remains in our kids dormant memory for so long. They idiolize such things and learn that such for granted attitude is ok, this is how life is. First we present such models in front of them and later we present the model of taking placards and candle march procession. Instead of presenting simple life values and skills, we actively teach them contradictory values without practical set of skills and in all confusion and chaos that follows, they master the art of listening less, understand lesser and shout loudest. Look around yourself, those who are busy learning, bettering themselves and the environment are the people about whom we don’t know much, but we definitely know those who are doing less, shouting loudest and being cheered from all around. Cut the noise and come down to action.

Learned it from my father and me by imitating us.

We all became mother fairly recently but Mother Nature is nurturing us since eternity and look what we have done to her. She fulfilled all our demands from food to diamonds and minerals, look how we took her for granted and damaged her. Teach your kids importance of hardship and how to be thankful. When we lack something in life and learn gratitude, we understand the value and learn to respect it. Our kids are already lacking fresh drinking water and fresh air to breath. They don’t have the luxury to drink water straight from the tap like we did when we were young, plucking fruits from trees and eating. Teach them to love and to show gratitude to their surroundings, love the animals and plants around us, then only they are going to value what mother Earth has to offer then they will think twice before destroying.

Let them get dirty.

Teach them what we are left with and how we can preserve it, teach them young that we don’t have options, encourage them to value what is present, because for the first time ever we humans are not very excited about the future instead we are scared. Educate them about the value of trees and animals and why they are so important for our own existence. Start your bit from home, don’t place your hopes on politicians, business houses and industries to cut down their expansion, greed and profits. You cut down the uses of their production because they are catering to your wants, the day you will stop wanting and start putting extra effort they will stop producing.

Go back to your roots.

The most awaited Sunday !!

Till this Sunday I was that kinda person who never get excited for particular days. You know like the happy people who sing “oh it’s Monday magic” or the cynical ones who cry about “Monday mania”.

This week, the school re-opening week after Autumn break, has been the most crazy week, at work place. Exams got over on 8th, Autumn break started from 13th. The PTA meet which was supposed to be on 26th was postponed for 29th, which is on Monday , we had to prepare the report card, grades, remarks and things related to it. Now, while I am writing this ,it’s all sounding organized but trust it was not at all like that. It’s been the most disorganized hazardous week on work front so far !!

When I joined school exams were going on , and being appointed the class teacher, by default I was responsible for my kids. So I had to pay minute attention on every child so that I can give them grades accordingly, seems like tough work paying attention to 35+ kids but ironically this was the easiest task.

The hard work was paper work !! Now that marks are distributed on various attributes like notebook and subject enrichment , discipline and so on . I had to calculate them and record them in school issued exam copy and that too subject wise. Sounds easy right ?? Well it wasn’t !! You ask why ?? The answer is the previous teacher had done the calculations wrong and I had to delete everything and start again and also students profile wasn’t ready to upload their marks and grades !! I had no checklist either in writing or as instructions to go about my work. It was a nightmare to run to every teacher to ask what’s the next step. And it made me realize how important it is to have a checklist for the work to be done.

Thanks to few of my colleagues, who helped me in preparing student profile and emailed me the format and taught me the school portal login to asses students related various informations and also introduced me to auto-generate results software. After getting hold of important data and auto-generate results software sheet. I felt like from here work will be smooth, but next roadblock was students names were not organized according to their roll number. Organising that was a mammoth task, something which was going to take a massive amount of time, my geek husband came to my rescue and made the whole profile and arranged the informations related to it from scratch, because of some password we were unable to upload the data on given sheet. After calculations, fed it on the Excel sheet, gave grades and remarks and happily I emailed the profile to other teachers to fill their marks.

This page is something which will give me nightmares all my life. The root cause of all the headache.

It was Friday and results were to be printed because Saturday-Sunday school was going to be closed and Monday is going to be PTA day. I was called in the examination office , and I was informed that though my work is complete and all the marks have been uploaded, but my results are not being generated because the software is corrupt.

This was the cause of my panic attack. Being a new one on the job and getting this as final executed work was something I will never be able to to describe in words.

Trust me I was on the verge of breaking down. Somehow I was holding my self and wits together. Praying for some miracle, called my husband because when it comes to computer he can do anything. He told me to hold on and wait for sometime. In between I got a call from my daughter’s school co-ordinator for very very silly reason. I panicked because it was about my baby, I asked the hubs to not to worry about the corrupt software and results and go to her school to check on her. I started running to every geek teacher in primary section but all were at wits end thinking that why it’s happening only with class 5 and not other class. When all the chaos was reaching it’s crescendo, Savita ma’am a very senior teacher hailing from my home state Bihar came in the room , she took the chair and within minutes, she opened another empty profile sheet copy pasted all the marks and grades and students related information and like magic result generation started as there was nothing wrong. And nobody knows what was causing that error, why software was corrupted, how it got affected with various. And it’s a lesson that these should be updated every now and then, so that end result shouldn’t be rushed and chaotic.

Phew !!! and then I really cried, tears of relief. I have this thing about me I don’t do lazy or crappy work . If I am doing it I will do it sincerely or won’t do at all . And this being the first major work after joining was really crucial, so much to learn and so much to execute . I learned a lesson for my lifetime that no matter how big or small is the work , organising it and making a checklist is so important. The more organized work the better the execution. And also it takes teamwork to succeed, you need to have faith in your team, in your colleagues.I am grateful to all my fellow teachers who helped me, taught me and also told me to eat and take things lightly as it’s not the end of the world. Despite them being busy made sure that I am holding up fine.

And also for this week my class was responsible for special assembly. We had to present one special item every day related to moral values. The first day I was a novice and I struggled but by Friday me and my kids were smooth, we presented a small skit on “STOP VIOLENCE” .😊

This Sunday is feeling like best ever. Yesterday I just lazed around the house and cuddled with my cutie pie (daughter) , and today also just roaming around the house drinking green tea and detoxing my mind.Time to get up and organize the house, uniform, breakfast and lunch menu for another crazy week . 😀

Meanwhile preparations for upcoming Diwali is on . And this time being done with the help of a checklist 🐼/strong>?

Chutti …

Yeyyeyeye first the happy news, I am going to school again, don’t get confused !!! Going as a teacher and not student😂😂. As luck and destiny aligned perfectly I got a chance (of course after clearing the interview) to be a teacher in Kendriya Vidyalaya, as a primary teacher. It’s so amazing, going to school after all these years, getting up, packing lunch, getting ready and after coming home making the lesson plan, checking the copies and everything related to it. Joining school as a teacher busted my first myth related to teaching, that is, teachers wait for holiday more than the students 😂😂. After exams, routine was so hectic that all the teachers were praying for 13th October to arrive quickly as Autumn break for 10 days was going to start.

First day all happy and shinning bright 😊

We decided to utilize this break and go somewhere, what’s better place than Delhi to enjoy the first brush with Northern Winter. We left for Delhi on 14th ,after securing our Spring in safe hands, our house help, who after returning to Mumbai I realized is a godsend person took, good care of our four legged baby as well as our green babies.

For us Delhi is not tourist place but it’s home, my in law’s are settled there. Our daughter was happy that she is going to visit Dadu, whoever asked her during the whole journey “where are you travelling to ?” She happily replied “Delhi” !!! Husband was happy planning that he will sleep the whole week and I was happy at the prospect of visiting the very famed “sarojini market”. We all had our own plans for Delhi , how successful the trip was is another thing.

Nobody absolutely nobody was allowed to touch this bag , whoever tried was reminded “this is my suitcase”.

The happiest traveller !!

This decorated corner at Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport .

I fell in love with that red bull wall and this statue .

The little traveller was busy shouting “aeroplane come back”

After all the excitement fell asleep just before boarding.

My sarojini market haul thanks to my sister in law, who was happy enough to be my marketing companion. This is only 40% of the whole loot. 😀😀

The father telling his daughter about his childhood at Jantar Mantar .

The fight over Dilli ki lassi

The happiness.

Meeting friends and family.This bub was totally in love with me and so was I. ❤️

And just like that a week was gone and it was time to leave for Mumbai. The stay was short and sweet. The weather was amazing the routine was relaxed no rush of early morning.

The girl checking in her luggage and collecting boarding pass.

Killing her time .

Father’s daughter.

Yoga .

Take off from Delhi was crazy , the flight was about to take off and all crew was signaled to take seat , and in exact that moment this monkey started shouting “susu susu” . One flight attendant came rushing and told us that it will be a security violation , my husband reasoned that if she won’t be allowed to use loo ,it will be hygiene violation. He relented stood guard outside the bathroom and then the flight took off. That was something I am going to remember all my life but crew was indeed amazing.

So far, October has been amazing for me. As much as I am looking forward to going to school again, I am also dreading the hectic week, which it’s going to be thanks to preparation of results. Tomorrow is Monday and I am already tired and looking forward to Sunday. All my school life I use to dislike teachers, hating them for not being absent even for a single day and giving us a free period but now after being in that very same shoes I know the truth😂. God bless the teachers.

Boys !! they know …

Yesterday I went to meet a friend who has been blessed with a baby boy. My 2.7 years old daughter was accompanying me. I was worrying on the way, “is it ok, to take a toddler with me , what if she will start poking or chirping or laughing at top of her voice”, she does that all the time. Before ringing the door bell, I requested my unicorn to be good.

To my pleasant surprise, she did not do anything, leave alone poking, she didn’t even touch the newborn . And she was very very cautious. All she did was , touching the blanket and say “wow ,how nice and it is very soft mummy” (exact these words) .

And it delighted me to see that she observe things and try to process the cause and effect. The mother was changing the nappy , so my wee lass’s observation was “mummy baby needs pajama” and went in search of a suitable pajama ( 5 min later came holding 2 tiny size pajamas in her hands, asking me which one you want) .

The vibes were happy , and we were talking about how the equations are going to change now and life is going to be a roller coaster ride. Amidst all this someone commented “oh ! The baby is awake”, pat came mother’s reply that “of course, he knows that there are girls around”. Everyone laughed but I didn’t find this joke least bit laughable. A 12 days old bub and such sexist comment meant to be a joke. It got me thinking that where do we stand as parents.

Ain’t there something wrong with our thinking ,that instead of countering or ignoring , people actually laughed at it. Isn’t it like validating certain gender roles since day one. It made me uncomfortable. I have always found these kind of comparisons that

  • boys should be assertive after all they have to face the world .
  • girls should be docile , assertive girls are selfish , they don’t think beyond themselves :roll eyes:
  • If the boy is being stubborn and trying to has his own ways ,then it’s encouraged as leadership skills
  • But if the girls is doing the very same thing , she will be told , it’s parent’s fault that they haven’t inculcated good manners.
  • Men can talk in loud voice but women should be soft spoken and not loud ,it is considered crass .
  • Even in play parks if the boy is bullying ,the mothers will be like “boys will be boys”.

Babies don’t come in this world with full knowledge of knowing the gender roles. It’s parents , relatives , friends , who by cracking these silly jokes and voicing these kind of not at all acceptable “gender observations” which seems to be ok but in reality the very basis of gender roles and also other objectionable behavior. And the root cause of the whole attitude, that

  • boys will be boys ,
  • after all he is a boy ,
  • aah !! he knows since day one ,
  • hhahaah!! his priorities are set.

is taking pride in the fact that “he is a BOY”. That baby itself doesn’t know about his or her identity , why this need to impose this boys will be boys attitude.I have also come across observations like “you can’t do much yaar , they are just wired that way”. I dont believe so, if we will stop glorifying “after all he is a boy” , that loose wire will automatically come in it’s socket .

Let that baby be a baby, newborns behavior is same throughout the whole wide world , race, gender and universe . Why there is this urge to glorify that “he knows there are girls around” , what’s in there to be proud of or even laugh.

Just a 5 days old who knows if it’s a girl or a boy❤️ Let them be babies first. They have got their whole life to be a boy or a girl.

Talking to a toddler…

Those who have read my previous post , must be well aware of the fact that I am a mother of a toddler. Raising a child is no easy job, by default parenting comes with difficult responsibilities(seeing your child crying during cough cold is the worst pain for us parents, and that is the only 10% of the whole circus) but at the same time it’s fun and major learning curve for parents too.

My daughter at 8 month old.

Parenting is full of contradiction and at times, well most of the times specially when they start with “what is this”, exasperating (only and only my thoughts). But trust me, more than parents it’s toddlers life which is difficult and confusing too, because they struggle to come to term with ways of the world and try to comprehend and process all the information which their surroundings have to offer. Their vocabulary is not very extensive, pronunciation is not very clear, they use the words not by logic but rot memory and when us parents fail to understand their broken sentences, they feel really incapable and helpless, that’s when they cry and throw tantrums to make the parents understand their need or wants.

She loves to gaze through picture books and identify all the objects , animal etc.

As a parent, In India, I have noticed that most parents indulge in baby talk (nonsense blabbering with babies older then 6 month is so unintelligible and insulting to intellectual capacity) broken sentences and they don’t give reasons only commands or instructions(don’t do this , do that , listen to me). Which is so not good and hinders the language development and vocabulary growth (only observation not judgmental).

Lost in her own world at 15 month.

As a parent we tend to take our toddlers for granted and decide on our own that they can’t understand. We tend to forget that when God created our babies he/she gave them brains too and cognitive development is a default setting function in human babies which never stops, it’s a continuous process, and the more clear and concrete information we will provide our babies ,the better it will be for them to grasp the basic logic and reason. Indulging in baby talk is fine only till first 2-3 month after that small conversations with baby in clear words are so important, to form their language abilities and also cognitive exercise. Whatever they hear goes in their memory and later they use those memories to identify the person, toy, cartoon by tone, visual cue, sounds etc.

Her first ever books , bought them when she was around 3 month old .

As a mother either me or any of my family members , immediate or distant never ever indulged in baby talk , result is she speaks in clear tone , ask questions , convey her wishes or demands very nicely and also she loves conversations. When she was 3 months old I bought her, her very first 2 story books full of colorful, large and bright pictures, not because she was able to read or understand but, to read her loudly so that she can develop her concentration of hearing and identify various tone. And I think in her 2.6 years of life, reading in a loud clear tone and taking her on walks and on the way telling her the name of trees, flowers, dogs, greeting others and naming different objects have helped in building her language abilities.

Hahahaha, this cracks me up always !! she surely knows her books 😂😂

Many people say to each his own , but babies are like blank slate, as a parent it’s our duty to give them correct information(words) to process and utilize . It not only helps the child but also parents , as it makes the whole

  • “what do you want”
  • “Why are you crying
  • “What happened”
  • “Why are you being incoherent”
  • “Don’t whine speak”
  • “Don’t shout “
  • “Why are you screaming”

routine so much smooth. We can always soften our tone while speaking but indulging in nonsense blabber with toddlers, is utter disrespect and disregard for their intelligence too. Of course, kids will be kids but by facilitating better language abilities we can open a wider horizon of interests for them.

Clicked last month, pretentious reading Wodehouse and throwing looks like a BOWSE ❤️

Grudge

Today I went to extend my support to a family , who was grieving the sudden demise of their mother. Other siblings reached to pay their respect, they all reacted in a certain manner but among them was one who kept repeating “she was with you”(combined with other accusations) , to that sibling with whom their mother was, in her last moment . And the applied meaning was “you did not care, she told me this and this but you did not take proper measures to ensure her health, now we will never get to see her again”.

This whole scenario got me thinking, what triggers such kinds of accusing behavior in such times of grief. Why grieving people start accusing either themselves or someone or something for inevitable. Does this give them some sort of closure or does it make them less guilty(for past mistakes) or more righteous.


“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Buddha

Few weeks back I lost a childhood friend, she was suffering from cancer. She was angry with me for some reasons and years later, after sorting out our differences, we just drifted apart, like two very different person unable to meet on similar grounds.(People grow and their different set of experiences make them a different person as to what they were before). After her demise the common friend cried but I did not, does that makes my pain less !!! No , not at all , infact I was so bottled up , unable to let go of my emotions , thinking and wondering , why all that happened , whatever happened. How much pain she must have gone through during all the chemo sessions. She nursed that grudge against me for so long but then she left early much early and all she left for me (as that childhood friend with whom she had shared unaccountable lunch boxes and auto rides) is “ifs and buts”.

I keep thinking about her mother(she was the only daughter among 3 siblings) her daughter who is not even 5-6 year old.And I also keep thinking , what was the use of all the grudge, why so much of anger. For what !I mourn my friend but can’t talk about it because it’s futile to talk about whatever happened. We were all in our early 20’s , got angry with me for something which was totally not under my control, she was famous for her temper but a nice girl, vowed never to talk to me again in that anger.

Grudge decays everything .

What is important in any relationship emotions or practical reasons. Why we can not rise above our ego and understand each other instead of trying to be the righteous one. What drives us toward such kind of behavior. Agreed that humans are flawed but what’s the use of being educated but unable to control that rage and act rationally when the tough situation arises . Where lies the satisfaction in blame game and accusation. All it does is negatively affect the mental and emotional health of the person who is at receiving end.

My friend left never to come back and what hurts most is that she left with a grudge. And today I saw the similar thing, that a sibling accusing another one for something which is not under anyone’s control. Won’t this episode creat a rift between them. The grief of losing a parent and a sibling’s accusations, and for what.

Grudge, rots everything , it’s a slow poison which makes any relation die a slow death. It’s better to be the bigger person and give importance to the relationships. Ego , hurt , anger ,grudge everything can wait but the living person can not, and no one knows ,when the time will be up.

Love your people before it’s too late. Life is too short for any kind of grudge and blame won’t take you any where , it will only decay whatever is dear to you.