Company this word sounds so assuring in itself. We always seek company of friends or familiar faces for the fear of being alone. Have you ever noticed how mothers ask their kids “who else is going with you” “who all were there with you” “go out and make friends” , always encouraging to go out and be in good company. Even kids as young as three or four search for company, someone to play with, to talk or to laugh.
Aristotle said that “Man is a social animal.” At certain times humans needed to stay in groups for various reasons and purposes. But in this age and scenario my view is “social” is no longer needed, being alone or surrounded with dogs, books, coffee or Netflix is so much comforting. People come, talk, laugh and the very same people go in some other social circle and tell the stories without context hence creating so much, heartache and mistrust, in my head I have burnt so many bridges that it’s enough to keep me warm in this Delhi winter or maybe next winter too.
I Am a mother of a daughter who is barely four but have started telling her to be alone and learn new things than go chasing friends. Parenting wise it might be judged or questioned but those are the only way I can safeguard her from future humiliation which comes from closest so called friends. She will be better prepared, understand better, will know what to expect and won’t suffer like her mommy from anxiety.
I belong to all girls family and have been a staunch believer of women support women but the kind of low key hatred and shade are thrown in the garb of harmless joke is need to be recognized. This kind of twisted friendship or acquaintances can do more harm then open dislike. The belittling and jibs make you wonder if you are thinking too much or heard it right and slowly it becomes full blown low key hatred masked in sugar coated words, by the time you understand, it’s already traveled far and wide. It makes you question why do I even know them and what was I thinking ?! Emotional turmoil and pain causes more harm than physical wound, stomach ulcers and blood pressure fluctuations are just one of many physical impact of anxiety. It has made me so sick that now I am teaching my daughter to not seek company all the time for the fear of being alone, quality of bond is more important than quantity. Substandard things do no good be it food for physical health or social circle for social reputations. Look around and you will find diamonds are costly based on clarity, 24 carats gold gives more return and not 18 or 14 carats. Same way clarity of respect and trust in friendship and acquaintance is much more important than merely beingthere for social attendance. Some friendships or social niceties are just not worth the time and pain specially those where only you are left entertaining, explaining and others keep questioning irrespective of past experiences and how much you have stood for them. I have come across women showing support on face but laughing and gossiping about the very same thing in some other circle and such souls take whole sentences out of context and tell the stories in such manipulative way that it leaves no scope of tracing back the actual words. And those who believe such out of context stories without going by their own personal equations, are they really friends, acquaintance or well wishers. If you don’t trust your own gut and warm equations than what’s the point of calling someone your friend. Always remember that there is always more to any situation than what meets the eyes.
Being mommy of a girl I have taken this duty very seriously to teach her to be that kind of woman who straightens the crown of another without announcing it to world or mocking. I keep telling her that those who laugh at others and their pain God laughs at them. I tell her made up stories of women, who knew how to say “No” without explaining much, who knew the worth of self love instead of social acceptance, it’s better to be alone and learn something then be with someone who replaces you in seconds, doubts your intentions and question your abilities. I am teaching her that nothing matters and even good things come with expiration date, better to stay calm and strong then seek company for support. I am teaching her to walk away from people who are self absorbed, devalues, question and gaslight her perspective but believe only their own. I tell her once in a day that good people always come last, their intentions are always questioned but it’s important not to leave the good trait.
In my short span of life, the kind of lessons have learnt from female species is remarkable. The ability to lie, deceit and manipulation thinking that it will never get caught is amazing. For all the mommies out there who are mother of girl child, it’s important to teach the women of future that “you don’t have to throw shades at other, for you to shine.” One can shine by supporting, motivating, uplifting and creating a strong sense of women empowerment by small acts of kindness. One can lie today to act kind and generous but once the fog of lies clears where will you go to hide you face. So, little ladies remember Women’s day is not about one day celebration of man bashing and patriarchy fighting but it’s everyday celebration of supporting, cheering, uplifting fellow women.
My dearest girls reading this shine on and keep shining for your positivity and leave no room for negativity for there is immense satisfaction and joy in knowing that you have done good and can walk away alone head held high with pride.
whackytoddlerwittymom 